I spent a couple of days with looking back on my previous years’ works, on what I’ve managed to create, what I haven’t, whether I’ve made any progression or not, and what kind of changes could I notice in my drawing style. The result of this is the following: my drawing performance is chaotic. :’D
It is not only about the fact that sometimes months fly away between two uploads, but also sometimes I create precise, detailed pics and other times I upload poorly drawn squiggles… It feels like that the pics were drawn by different artists. Alright, we can say that during the breaks when I did not draw anything, I was hit by so many stimuli that have changed my fields of interests, aims (sometimes I came closer to more realistic, picturesque, concept-like style, in other times I felt closer to the comic-like, cartoon-like techniques like shading, inking, etc. …). But still, this is not okay for me, I really want to kick myself in the arse to make myself work harder, push harder, and have a linear, clearly visible progress concerning my style and performance. X”D
I really don’t know what to do with myself. Nowadays I try to create something on a daily basis, I try to improve myself, get to know what I do better, how I can improve my performance the most effectively. This is difficult, because I watch a lot of other artists who inspire me and I try to reach their level of proficiency, and most of the time this only makes me sad because I do not feel that we are on the same level and this weakens the spirit… My friends and colleagues say that I am too hard on myself and I am a maximalist, but I cannot change the way I regard myself.
Alright, there are those times (extremely rarely) when I create something great that even I like without any thinking or using references, a pic that I do not want to throw away after a week passes and I take a look on it again. This time I feel like in heaven, but soon the art block comes and I’m in hell again. X”D I just want to please myself and others with my drawings. But often (very often actually) this is extremely hard… the reason for this might be what others say that I try to meet the needs of others, and I’m preoccupied with what they think of me or my drawings. Or that I compare myself to others instead of trying to walk on my own path. But I do believe that I’m not alone with these issues.
Okey, enough with my misery, I do hope that soon I can show you something nice and new :’D