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I kinda disappeared during the past few years and now I feel the need to write a “short” report with the help of a friend, who is a professional translator. I’d have written more frequently, but my English knowledge and my translational abilities are still down in the basement... :’D

The last time I was this active was when I drew TF fanarts and announced the sketches for free thingy... from which nothing actually came out. That time I started my first real job and it consumed all of my time and energy.... a new love came with new expectations, etc... Besides I did not go to uni, but I’ve never seen it as a disadvantage, ‘cause in my new work environment they appreciated professionalism rather than having a degree. I’ve learnt a lot and gained a lot of experience as well.

3 years later I moved in with my boyfriend and I also left my current job and got a new one. It was extremely different from designing web pages or image designing. I could do what I loved: concept art, designing characters, painting background or user interfaces for games. I was happier than ever, but obviously I did not have any spare time for drawing at home.

But the past two years came out quite ugly. I broke up with him, after that I had a depressive episode, I could not find my place in life, I felt completely burned out. It was a dark time, but I do not want to bore anyone with the details.

A month ago one of my friends sent me a video about 25 yrs old ppl who feel completely and totally burned out. It really touched me, I even shed a couple of tears. I really would love to be like Artgerm, Charlie Bowater, Phobs, Loish and other very gifted artists whom I follow via various social media platforms (Fb, tumblr, dA, livestream, etc.). (I don’t even need to go that far, it is enough to see my friend Mau who draws every day, develops her characters and gets better and better day by day.)But I feel that something is missing from me, something that they have, but I will never possess. I’d really love to be as productive and motivated as they are! I’d love to be useful and create something permanent. And meanwhile I’d like to be happy. This is what I desire the most. To feel useful and needed.

During the past few weeks I came to find myself again: I started to go out with my friends, I lost some weight (9 kgs), I work out on a regular basis and I also feel inspired. I fear that it won’t last long (every year I get 1 or 2 similar period(s), during which I draw and write a lot, but after that I do not create anything for the rest of the year. See: my Korra-period or when I engaged in doing a bunch of memes with my friends).

I would love to be really productive, but not only for a short period. It really pisses me off when I have no inspiration, no goals to reach and I don’t do anything... Am I the only one who struggle with this, or are there others as well??? It would be so great to share this with others, exchange experience, hear other opinions, but my English is kinda crappy. I am so ashamed... I kinda understand writing, but listening and speaking... well, let’s not talk about that...

So.... inspiration.... you could notice (if anyone visits my gallery at all :’D) that my tumblr and dA gallery has been overflowed with WOW fanarts. This is my newest craze. 1,5 years ago, when I hit rock bottom, this game helped me and I was extremely grateful (mainly to two of my friends who recommended it ...but after they forgot to log in and play with me XD). My two favourite characters are my hunters Laime and Ngutu. I could never choose a faction; I love both Alliance and Horde as well. And I really hate quarrelling as well... This somewhat reduced my love for the game, and a series of unsuccessful raids did not help either. So I had a 1,5 month break and tried GW2, Sims4, etc... also the workout sessions and the cooking consumed my evening, so I had a lot on my plate. Now, I seem to manage to create a system which I hope that will prove to last, and with that I also do hope that I’ll have time to draw beside getting back to my two favourite huntards.

I hope that someone will read this outpouring. :’D Sorry for the bitterness, it’s a bad habit, I try to quit it. At one point I will learn to communicate in English, and then I will bore you more frequently.

Until then... let the drawing begin!

XOXO

  • Eating: salad
  • Drinking: mineral water
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:iconspacecreepers:
spaceCreepers Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Nagyon érezlek ezekkel a néhai fellángolásokkal. :') Engem végtelenül demotivál az hogy sokmindenhez szívesen rajzolnék de még az sem megy. Sajnos kezdem úgy érezni magát a rajzolást nem élvezem már és a világ összes ereje kell hozzá, hogy hobbiból rajzoljak valamit. Komolyan digiben valami értékelhetőt szeritnem másfél éve nem csináltam már, midnen iylen social mediám kihalt teljesen.
Én is grafikus suliba járok plusz ilyen munkám van most, de ezek annyira leszívják a kreatív energiáimat, hogy még ha időm lenne is elhányom magam a gondolattól ,hogy ceruzát fogjak témától független.
És érezlek azzal is hogy irigyled a körülötted lévőket akik nap mint nap tudnak tűzzel rajzolni. :'( Akárhányzsor őszintén inspirálnak na most én is kb ugyanilyen gyorsan el is illan az érzés. xd
Bár most egészen meg vagyok békélve ezzel a dologgal és annyira nem is hiányzik, lefoglal a tervezőgrafika meg a munka, csak sajnálom ,hogy nincs erőm a kettőt együtt ugyanolyan energiabedobással csinálni. :(
Remélem neked sikerül már ebből kijönnöd, szurkolok!
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:iconsilverteahouse:
silverteahouse Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Anyám, de jól összefoglaltad, annyira együttérzek, mintha saját magamat olvasnám. :'D Érdekes érzés szembesülni azzal, hogy hányan szenvednek ugyanettől a blokktól... Jó, tök király, hogy rajzzal szerezhetjük meg a kenyerünket, de a hobbi rajzt eléggé leöli. X'D)

Szurkolok, hogy neked is sikerüljön kijönnöd a kátyúból! :D Ha találok valami taktikát erre, majd megosztom. XD
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:iconspacecreepers:
spaceCreepers Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2015  Student Digital Artist
But on the other hand nem nagyon tudom magam másféle munkával elképzelni. Ördögi kör. :'D
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:iconmaphisto86:
Maphisto86 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2015
Good to hear from you again. I understand that you were probably busy and plenty of people have had to leave Deviantart to pursue other things or just life gets in the way when they wish to continue to post content. It is sad to hear you went through so much trouble but I am glad you seem to be doing better now. :peace:
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:icondamera6:
Damera6 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
HAJRÁÁÁ!!!
(angol tudás hiányában a google lefordította, így olvastam el xD)
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:iconsilverteahouse:
silverteahouse Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Lol, azért az elég érdekes fordítás lehetett... :'D
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:icondamera6:
Damera6 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
A lényeg lejött ^^ és rám számíthatsz (nem mintha sok mindent tudnék tenni a gyagyaságaimon kívül xD)
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:iconeldr-fire:
Eldr-Fire Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for sharing your journey! It's really brave. I'm sorry you've been through such a hard time but you're definitely not alone in that. :) I'm glad that things are on the up and up right now. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself on days when you're not feeling inspired to draw, since that will probably not make you feel any more inspired!
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:iconanonaegis:
AnonAegis Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015  Student General Artist
I don't think we've ever had any contact, but I read it all...

Hang in there, and keep up the good fight ^^ ...

Stay strong...
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:iconoskana:
Oskana Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm glad you are back, I think we all go through rough patches but art is  a great outlet and being able to se emore of your art is certainly pleasing and welcome!
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