The last time I was this active was when I drew TF fanarts and announced the sketches for free thingy... from which nothing actually came out. That time I started my first real job and it consumed all of my time and energy.... a new love came with new expectations, etc... Besides I did not go to uni, but I’ve never seen it as a disadvantage, ‘cause in my new work environment they appreciated professionalism rather than having a degree. I’ve learnt a lot and gained a lot of experience as well.
3 years later I moved in with my boyfriend and I also left my current job and got a new one. It was extremely different from designing web pages or image designing. I could do what I loved: concept art, designing characters, painting background or user interfaces for games. I was happier than ever, but obviously I did not have any spare time for drawing at home.
But the past two years came out quite ugly. I broke up with him, after that I had a depressive episode, I could not find my place in life, I felt completely burned out. It was a dark time, but I do not want to bore anyone with the details.
A month ago one of my friends sent me a video about 25 yrs old ppl who feel completely and totally burned out. It really touched me, I even shed a couple of tears. I really would love to be like Artgerm, Charlie Bowater, Phobs, Loish and other very gifted artists whom I follow via various social media platforms (Fb, tumblr, dA, livestream, etc.). (I don’t even need to go that far, it is enough to see my friend Mau who draws every day, develops her characters and gets better and better day by day.)But I feel that something is missing from me, something that they have, but I will never possess. I’d really love to be as productive and motivated as they are! I’d love to be useful and create something permanent. And meanwhile I’d like to be happy. This is what I desire the most. To feel useful and needed.
During the past few weeks I came to find myself again: I started to go out with my friends, I lost some weight (9 kgs), I work out on a regular basis and I also feel inspired. I fear that it won’t last long (every year I get 1 or 2 similar period(s), during which I draw and write a lot, but after that I do not create anything for the rest of the year. See: my Korra-period or when I engaged in doing a bunch of memes with my friends).
I would love to be really productive, but not only for a short period. It really pisses me off when I have no inspiration, no goals to reach and I don’t do anything... Am I the only one who struggle with this, or are there others as well??? It would be so great to share this with others, exchange experience, hear other opinions, but my English is kinda crappy. I am so ashamed... I kinda understand writing, but listening and speaking... well, let’s not talk about that...
So.... inspiration.... you could notice (if anyone visits my gallery at all :’D) that my tumblr and dA gallery has been overflowed with WOW fanarts. This is my newest craze. 1,5 years ago, when I hit rock bottom, this game helped me and I was extremely grateful (mainly to two of my friends who recommended it ...but after they forgot to log in and play with me XD). My two favourite characters are my hunters Laime and Ngutu. I could never choose a faction; I love both Alliance and Horde as well. And I really hate quarrelling as well... This somewhat reduced my love for the game, and a series of unsuccessful raids did not help either. So I had a 1,5 month break and tried GW2, Sims4, etc... also the workout sessions and the cooking consumed my evening, so I had a lot on my plate. Now, I seem to manage to create a system which I hope that will prove to last, and with that I also do hope that I’ll have time to draw beside getting back to my two favourite huntards.
I hope that someone will read this outpouring. :’D Sorry for the bitterness, it’s a bad habit, I try to quit it. At one point I will learn to communicate in English, and then I will bore you more frequently.
Until then... let the drawing begin!